Excerpts from “Honey Money: The Power of Erotic Capital” by Catherine Hakim, former Senior Research Fellow of Sociology at the London School of Economics.
“Men have always had to pay for sex – in money, marriage, respect, long-term commitment or willingness to help raise children. In the past, men accepted that they had to pay a price. Today, the sexual revolution in attitudes to sexuality leads many young men to assume that they should get full sexual satisfaction, free of charge, all the time, and that women who say no are just being perverse. The feminist myth of equal sexual interest has increased men’s resentment of and anger against women who withhold sex, apparently unfairly and spitefully.”
“The sexual revolution very quickly changed attitudes to sex outside long-term committed relationships, first in relation to pre-marital sex… Feminist demands for equality with men helped things along, as feminists claimed women had an equal interest in sexual fulfilment and sexual adventures… Men no longer needed to seduce or court women. ‘You want it as much as I do’ became the new theme. Young women suddenly found themselves under new pressures to have sex simply to prove they were ‘normal’ or a ’natural woman’… Men are putting pressure on women for more varieties of sexual activity, as well as sex on demand. Male demands have increased to the point where many women feel they are expected to perform to professional standards.”
“The idea of love to legitimate sexual activity is used differently by men and women. A woman says: ‘I love you so much I will do everything I can to make you happy, including sex.’ A man says: “I am madly in love with you, so you must give me everything I want, including sex.’ There is an imbalance here, which some people choose to ignore.”
“Young men regularly negotiate a higher starting pay than the salary first offered to them. They go on asking for pay increases, or larger pay increases, and promotion, throughout their careers, and often switch jobs in order to get higher pay… Women fail to ask for a better deal in the workplace,and in public life generally, because they rarely learn to ask for a fair deal, or a better deal, in private life… If you cannot negotiate successfully with a man who claims to desire, love and respect you, you are unlikely to develop the necessary skills for dealing with men who are colleagues in the same organization, friends or strangers… Women throw away their most universal assets, sexual access and erotic capital, because they have been brainwashed into believing that only money and qualification have value.”
“Scarcity is at the root of all forms of capital, which are in effect disguised form of economic capital. All social exchange involves some element of economic transfer, along with any social, cultural or erotic elements.”
For all the women who conceded to men that demand “equality” and ask to split the bill, do what my friend D did. Get up, throw down your linen napkin and walk away (preferably in a red dress with a hip-swaying sashay).